A café, somewhere in England. It is empty, except for the Owner. He adjusts stale pastries at the counter. Outside, white paint flakes off the wall. Silence.
A Young Man enters. He is, it seems to fair to say, not welcome.
Y Good afternoon there, sir!
O Hello there.
Y Could I get, er... just an apple juice, please?
O We only do cordial. That all right?
Y Erm... do you have orange?
O Orange cordial.
Y Yeah, just a glass of that, please.
O I’ll bring it over. Have a seat.
Y sits by the window
O finds the bottle of cordial, unopened for years, and struggles with the bottlecap, though the congealed cordial crust offers little resistance of its own
pours far too much into a filthy glass and fills with cloudy tap water
serves
Y Ah – thank you for that.
O Pleasure.
Y looks out the window
takes a sip of the cordial and none after that
O watches him
adjusts the pastries
Y reads through the laminated, spare menu
O watches him
adjusts the glasses
watches him
Y does not look behind him
O watches him
hears something
looks at him
slowly exits to the back
Y turns to see him leave
stands to look around
looks at the counter, then behind it, for some time
returns to where he sat, though stands, and looks out the window
O enters
Oh.
Y Hm?
O You, er... you waiting for someone, then?
Y Oh no, no.
O Mm. Right. Can I get you – to himself no, you’ve still got your... juice...
Y looks out the window
How long has this place been here?
O Showing its age?
Y Sorry? Oh – no no no, just, er, wondering. Settle a bet, you know.
O Fifteen years or so. Give or take.
Y It’s funny – I used to live here when I was little, and I don’t remember ever seeing this place on the high street.
O We're not the sort of place people notice.
Y Everywhere else looks the same as it always did. Even the signs are the same. Those are what you remember most clearly of all, the shop signs.
O Right.
Y Yeah...
So you... do you see much – do you get a lot of people coming in here these days?
O Well, it’s not what it was...
Y The recession?
O Hasn’t helped.
Y Course...
O We get the local rotary club every now and then, keeping us from...
Anyway – ‘s there anything else I can get you?
Y No, ta – what do I owe you?
O Ooh, er... pound ninety.
Y Ah – ok... er, there you go.
O Ta.
Y Thank you.
exits
O watches him leave
checks the café
sighs with relief
hears something
exits to the back
End.
Tuesday 28 July 2009
Monday 27 July 2009
Midtown UK - #002
A café, somewhere in England. It is empty, except for the Owner and a Wheelchair-bound Man. The Wheelchair-bound Man is, it seems fair to say, not welcome.
The scene has clearly been one of awkwardness for several years.
O Can I get you anything?
W No.
Silence.
hacking cough
O Oh Christ...
W Shut up!
hacking cough
Don’t you dare... !
O Let me get you -
W No! No! I’m not going to be beaten –
hacking cough
Away! Get away!
O gives him a glass of water
W snatches the glass and gulps it greedily
Ah...
O Better?
W None of your business! Yes.
O waits
W blank
O waits
W Thank you.
O cleans the glass
Silence.
W Can I do anything?
O No.
End.
The scene has clearly been one of awkwardness for several years.
O Can I get you anything?
W No.
Silence.
hacking cough
O Oh Christ...
W Shut up!
hacking cough
Don’t you dare... !
O Let me get you -
W No! No! I’m not going to be beaten –
hacking cough
Away! Get away!
O gives him a glass of water
W snatches the glass and gulps it greedily
Ah...
O Better?
W None of your business! Yes.
O waits
W blank
O waits
W Thank you.
O cleans the glass
Silence.
W Can I do anything?
O No.
End.
Sunday 26 July 2009
Midtown UK - #001
A café, somewhere in England. It is empty, except for the Owner and a Man. The Man is, it seems fair to say, not welcome.
The scene has clearly been one of awkward silence for some time.
O Look, if you've finished your coffee I'm going to have to ask you to -
M Same again, please.
Bet you didn't have me down as a regular first time you saw me.
O no answer
M In truth, nor did I - but then, this wasn’t really my choice, was it?
O serves coffee
M Thank you - ah. Oh dear...
Bet you had me down as a Starbucks man, didn't you? Hmm? Yes? Well, you've got me there... you see, for all its criticism, Starbucks coffee is an altogether satisfying experience. They understand that you cannot, in this day and age, pass off boiling, brown-coloured water as a cup of coffee - something this country has never learned. It has a nice, er -
pours some onto the saucer
rich consistency. It is made using clean water from clean pipes - a sign of a healthy business - and served in clean cups. It is always available, however you want it made that at that very moment, and the barista always smiles at you while she's making it - presumably because her livelihood is not in jeopardy. Without any pretence of authenticity, or soul - whatever that means - it ticks all the boxes. It is an altogether American cup of coffee.
Though I suppose it would be unfair to accuse this cup of coffee of having any pretence of authenticity.
Bottoms up.
drinks
O When are you going to leave me alone?
End.
The scene has clearly been one of awkward silence for some time.
O Look, if you've finished your coffee I'm going to have to ask you to -
M Same again, please.
Bet you didn't have me down as a regular first time you saw me.
O no answer
M In truth, nor did I - but then, this wasn’t really my choice, was it?
O serves coffee
M Thank you - ah. Oh dear...
Bet you had me down as a Starbucks man, didn't you? Hmm? Yes? Well, you've got me there... you see, for all its criticism, Starbucks coffee is an altogether satisfying experience. They understand that you cannot, in this day and age, pass off boiling, brown-coloured water as a cup of coffee - something this country has never learned. It has a nice, er -
pours some onto the saucer
rich consistency. It is made using clean water from clean pipes - a sign of a healthy business - and served in clean cups. It is always available, however you want it made that at that very moment, and the barista always smiles at you while she's making it - presumably because her livelihood is not in jeopardy. Without any pretence of authenticity, or soul - whatever that means - it ticks all the boxes. It is an altogether American cup of coffee.
Though I suppose it would be unfair to accuse this cup of coffee of having any pretence of authenticity.
Bottoms up.
drinks
O When are you going to leave me alone?
End.
Friday 3 July 2009
Iconic Iconoclastic Man
Butter knife trussed up
In dog collar (white)
Four stomachs to get through
Brains to ignite
The bloating!
The distended!
In public forums
(i.e. abbatoirs)
Thin out the breed
Butter knife's all I need
The rapture!
Burst the distended!
Butter knife trussed up
To a woodland-found stick
The tall white support
Fetishised/academic
Pseudo-Old Greek!
Topple temple tower!
Carved of Edinburgh rock
The man at the top
I'll bring him down
Spit him in the eyes!
The rapturous response!
Cut down to size!
Butter knife trussed up
In smart-casual suit
Fourth seat on Question Time
Air of a brute
People's champion!
Their dead-eyed applause!
Kneecap the classical
Sack-drown the young
Perhaps if I'm lucky
My name'll be sung
Butter knife to tough steak questions!
Gut gas and white dust!
Grin lined with white dust
Grin lined with white dust
In dog collar (white)
Four stomachs to get through
Brains to ignite
The bloating!
The distended!
In public forums
(i.e. abbatoirs)
Thin out the breed
Butter knife's all I need
The rapture!
Burst the distended!
Butter knife trussed up
To a woodland-found stick
The tall white support
Fetishised/academic
Pseudo-Old Greek!
Topple temple tower!
Carved of Edinburgh rock
The man at the top
I'll bring him down
Spit him in the eyes!
The rapturous response!
Cut down to size!
Butter knife trussed up
In smart-casual suit
Fourth seat on Question Time
Air of a brute
People's champion!
Their dead-eyed applause!
Kneecap the classical
Sack-drown the young
Perhaps if I'm lucky
My name'll be sung
Butter knife to tough steak questions!
Gut gas and white dust!
Grin lined with white dust
Grin lined with white dust
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