Crashley the Coyote Car Driver Man

Greased palms!
(A surface layer
A bitumen mix
Of three parts bung
To one, the sweat of uncalm
Not suitable for street-drive tyres
We only know that the car went off the coil)

When it came to dotted lines
The famous sportsman's hand was well-versed
A shame he couldn't drive on these all the time

It was commonly believed that the sports star
Was a wanted commodity by his then-employer,
Who were all too willing to stump up the primely figure of
[In this case, a figure confidential]

But the sports superstar was too clever for this
A technique, seen on the screen of his bedroom
He was determined to try
But inexperienced in the ways of contract law and negotiation
He overshot the turn
To the tune
Of five grand!

Five grand!

The sports club board was unwilling to budge
An awkward situation, I hope you'll agree
A man, I'm not sure who he was
Called the sports legend as he split a speed limit
Down the line did the fat man sing the tune of five grand
Hyperventilating bagpipe march, played reverse

We only know that the car went off the coil

Five grand? Here's all the stuff it can buy you
Half a Mondeo, or a hot tub or two
An evening's average red-light wrongs
So many sarongs!
Appalling miscarriage!
Miscarriage of justice!
The sports god, though he'd mastered his Adidas curving
Was powerless to prevent his indignance from swerving

Sometimes things can be both lateral and falling
You get the same score for both speeding and calling
The traffic figures of G Britain will ensure this one's forgotten
Yet another of the garish cartoon falls we've been brought up on

The car went off the coil!
To the tune of five grand!
Hit that tune, Liberace!
Hit that tune
The tune of five grand!